Quitting social media sucks
I got rid of social media and my life didn’t change.
There was nothing life-altering when I decided to delete Snapchat during my first year of university. I had used Snapchat a lot with someone and now that whatever we had was over I felt like I needed closure. I had also never liked the app anyways: the Discover page was superficial and meaningless, and I didn’t like the sense of obligation with maintaining Snapstreaks. In fact, I had made it a point to never get my Snapstreaks into double-digits and would intentionally end them with my friends. Maybe I just have deep-rooted commitment issues?
I sent out a goodbye Snap to my close friends, just some simple text on a black screen saying how I’m leaving Snapchat for now, and unceremoniously confirmed that yes, I was sure I wanted to uninstall the app. It was very anti-climactic. There was no confetti, loud noises, divine interventions, or visions. My spirit did not awaken. Actually, for the next week, my fingers would instinctively reach to the space where the icon used to reside whenever I needed validation from my friends or when there was a moment I felt like I needed to capture. One of my close friends actually told me they had kept sending me snaps out of habit. I felt bad for not seeing them.
I don’t think I ever wanted to leave social media. I think I was actually dragged out of it kicking and screaming. At first, anyways. Technology was a huge part of my life growing up. Like a lot of my peers, I had Facebook before the minimum required 13 years, which seemed ages away. I just wanted to play Restaurant City. I got my first phone in Grade 7 and from that point on I was hooked. It changed my life. I texted people. I listened to music. I played way too many mobile games. I got Instagram which started my entire passion for photography. I was even on developer forums, where I was flashing custom software to my phones to make them better. And that’s how I spent high school, connected to the Internet.
How could you tell us that social media was bad? Adults tried, but discussion was only focused on bullying and harassment, something we already knew. I remember in elementary school our teacher having a serious conversation with us because a girl had committed suicide after being blackmailed on social media. So we knew how privacy settings worked better than our teachers. We had finstas before they were a thing. As long as took the necessary safety precautions, we were fine, right? How could you tell us not to social media when that was the way our friendships worked. That’s how we communicated. That’s how we expressed ourselves. We had Vine, YikYak, Ask.fm, Periscope, Foursquare. Self-expression and connection were applications we secretly downloaded over the “secure” school wifi. We were the internet generation.
Years later, features like Screen Time and Digital Wellbeing started rolling out. We already knew we were spending too much time on our phones, but we didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to stop. So what if I knew people were on their phones for 7+ hours? I remember consistently logging 5–6 every day. How else were we supposed to be in the loop with new memes? How would we feel if one of our friends didn’t like our posts? Teachers were also starting to hop on to the technology train. We used Duolingo for French. We had FreshGrade for submitting assignments. We had iPad carts. Our high school made a huge deal when they launched their new app, so we could see our timetables and school updates directly from our phones. Suddenly, having a phone was necessary for school. And I loved it.
Today, I log maybe an hour of screen time on my phone, more if I’m videocalling my friends. My friends make fun of me for having both greyscale and nightlight filters on at all times. I don’t have any social media apps. I can check them all on my laptop, where it’s much less likely for me to get sucked into an endless meme scroll on Instagram Discover. At the beginning of this year I deactivated my Facebook account, but I still have my Twitter. Yes, I miss out on things now. I don’t see your vacation pictures and I don’t see your hangouts. I don’t know about events anymore and I don’t see relatable content from my groups. I’m a lot harder to reach: I don’t have notifications on for Facebook Messenger so texting or calling is really the only reliable way. Dating is h̶a̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ impossible: we’re used to breaking the ice by sharing Insta handles. Phone numbers are just too… personal?
I’m more intentional now about how I spend my time and who I want to spend it with. I’d rather read actual books than reading listicles of books I should be reading. I’d rather have a face-to-face conversation than comment on your posts about how I miss you so much and we should definitely hang out some time for sure!! I’d rather have friends that will reach out and are actually comfortable calling me than friends who will send me a poorly scribbled S on a black background. One of my friends who actually got rid of his phone and laptop completely said something I really liked: it’s like a filter that gets rid of all the people who aren’t actually interested enough. It’s true: the people who care will reach out, update you about important news, and send you memes.
How did this happen? Not overnight from deleting Snapchat, that’s for sure. I think it was more gradual. For me, getting rid of social media was just the start of something. It’s like somewhere in my heart I knew there was more to life than poking people. The absence of social media didn’t improve my life. Rather, it was like the removal of a pebble in my shoe. Yes, with a pebble I could still walk, but I wasn’t going for a marathon anytime soon. It was like removing something so I could fill that absence with things I love.
I’m not here to tell you what steps to reclaim your time or whatever. It’s personal and it’s going to be different. If you think there’s something bigger out there and you’re tired of giving out likes, try taking a break and see how you feel. Experiment with yourself. Figure out what friends and what content actually brings you joy and helps you grow as a person. Challenge your habits. Find out what techniques work best for you.
Be intentional about your life. Because #YOLO.
This story was originally published on my Tumblr.
